Two words, yet cover a multiple of emotions. I believe that most of us, in one way or another, has isolated ourselves with people around us. It is funny to think that there even comes a time when I think highly of myself and not treat people as human as they are. It became a nuisance to me whenever people get in my way of thinking or doing, giving me advice when I never asked for them anyway. For me, being alone becomes a hobby and an escape from this round universe. I am used to being alone.
Remember in kindergarten on the first day of classes, most kids will cry because they don’t want their parents to leave them alone in the room. They are used to being with them for like five years, and they fear that something bad might happen without their mom and dad in their side. They fear of meeting new people because it’s uncomfortable for them. Unlike me, my parents would always tell this story that I literally pushed them outside my room and not a single tear has left my eyes. I was so strong and brave back then. I thought so.
Life is quite a journey. As you reach another level of maturity, a higher level of dilemma awaits you. You think you just solved one of life’s biggest problems on homework or projects, I tell you- man up, greater problems are yet to come. Then you went on a heartbreak, you think you cannot live without him. You think you are the most pitiful person on earth and no one will be able to handle this, I tell you- man up, life has just begun. And it becomes so much easier to live a life alone when we think no one will understand and comprehend what we do feel in the moment. That is my story.
I do life alone. I became so comfortable facing challenges on my own. It always went good, and I thought I made the right choice. Unconsciously, I am gearing up towards a dead end. It’s like digging up a hole for myself. Every night, I found myself crying and hurting. For no specific reasons, I just felt like my heart is bursting whenever lights are turned off and darkness invades my room. I asked myself, “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Surprisingly, it answered. I cannot do this alone. I am not fine on my own.
Healthy conversations with ourselves can stimulate camaraderie and confidence within, but that’s the only thing we can get from being a solo. Even the best singer in the world has his songwriter and composer behind his success. You would never see an athlete without a coach from the side shouting and yelling for his victory. It would be crazy if a band consists of one person doing everything at the same time. What I’m trying to emphasize here is, we all need another person to do life together.
Maybe you think, having a romantic partner is what you got to have. Well, unless you found your someone right from the day you were born. But we all need Jesus. At times when the storm came rushing in, winds came blowing and you found yourself struggling- Jesus is right there. He has never left our side. All we need is to ask Him. He is a gentleman. He never forces Himself with us, yet it deeply saddened Him that we chose to get away from His presence thinking all will be better that way.
So now, when I found myself getting too comfortable with my shadows, I remind myself that Someone up there died to be with me. Someone up there is longing for a conversation with me. Someone up there always find time to be with me. Someone up there wants me to live life at its fullest. Someone up there definitely loves me and will never ever forsake me.