Paper Cut

Somehow, I think my writings have one in common. It speaks about love. Always about Someone. But I believe these are not enough evidences to conclude I desperately need one. Can’t I just talk about it and share what I have been experiencing in my years of existence in this world? I’m quite offended though, but I also understand. It’s not the first time someone has asked me the question, “Do you want it badly? A romantic relationship with someone?” Come on, who doesn’t want that? Now is just not the right time. Not the first time to answer like that, too.

Everyone gets so excited whenever they would talk about my love life. Some friends of mine are really anticipating steadfastly to encounter my first real relationship with a man. I don’t know why, but they believe it would be perfect. A woman who has never entered into a commitment for 21 years must really be worth the wait, they told me. Only I have the guts in our peer to abstain from entering immature and raw mutual understandings with the opposite sex. I cannot blame them for that, since I really decided to live that way for personal reasons. But they do need to know I am human too, it’s difficult like hell.

On days when everyone has someone they love, I wonder what’s it like to give love to someone who also loves you in return? Someone outside your family and friends, for that matter. On days when I need to go home late at night alone, I wonder it might really be wonderful to have someone accompany you home and make sure you are safe. Just a call or text away, and there he goes. Even you can sleep on his shoulders because you are dreadfully tired. On days when couples are just everywhere, I wonder how sweet it would be having someone right beside me holding my hands. I just wonder.

I had thoughts like that, for many times now. But I need to commend my family for making me feel complete beyond what I lack. My mother made sure I was always overflowing with love, even when I can’t express the same love to her. My father would pick me up from my office if he knows I need him, even though it’s uncomfortable for him. My brother would always say that I am his girlfriend for the rest of his life, even I know it might change soon. It’s not that I don’t need those things, I just want it at the right season of my life.

These are my desires, too. Love may be likened to a blank sheet of paper. As for me, the contents are yet to be written down as I wait patiently. But I hold on to this sheet of paper knowing it would never hurt me yet. Time passes by, I always check on this paper. I moved it back and forth, even tossed it sideways from afar. And then, I felt something. This thin sheet of paper has made a cut through my finger. It hurts. Blood started to flow. I don’t understand how it happened. This can’t be, right? I run my fingers through the edges of the paper evaluating how it leave such a wound. Uh-oh, paper can really pained me.

What you know can and will hurt you. We all knew about that. But I also think what you don’t know yet can and will hurt you more the longer you didn’t know. Why? Because it will make you wonder. It makes you restless and impatient. You tend to awaken feelings and emotions that need not be aroused. Love needs time. As you wait, make sure to leave the paper behind. Don’t put dirt on it, and crumpled it as you may. There will come a time when it will have its manuscript written and you will be ready to read it. Hold the paper gently as you held on to time patiently. Then you’ll know, love blossoms in God’s perfect timing and season without a cut.


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