It’s so amazing how pictures form a big screen in our mind- not letting a minor detail off.
I once met a guy, older than me for about four years. He was gentle, humble and kind. But back then, I was stubborn for boys and easily irritated when someone likes me. Yes, he liked me. He tried to win me- for three long years.
As I look back at the only picture he gave me, I can’t help but cry and laugh as well. I remember the first time we’ve met, it is really embarrassing to let someone catch a frog for my biology project- someone I hardly knew. Then, it all started at once. My mother even told me that he is one of my childhood friends when we are residing with my grandmother’s house. Well obviously, I don’t know and had not cared about it.
I received a lot from him. I could call it my “SpongeBob Collection” for it was my favorite. Almost every day he came to our house to visit me and my family. It goes on for about two years, almost. Yes, he had captured my parents’ heart especially my brother’s but that doesn’t mean he won mine.
I don’t know- I really don’t know. Instead of attraction, hatred grows more and more each day. My blood boils every time I see him, I heard of him and I remember him. There is nothing lacking from him, I thought. He did not do anything to make me hate him so much- and that makes it so much complicated. Just because I don’t know.
It turns out to be that I had mentioned a dozen times that I don’t want him and I don’t like the way he treats me and my family like his. For once, I’ve never seen him change and still tried more to convince me and to persuade me. As a young girl, I never knew anything about it and the experiences with him were all my “first times.” But it never went the way he wanted it to be. Worse, I even act so strange that I hardly know myself. I really hate him.
Every message feels like one from 8888- you get disappointed and bad for some time. That is why, texting really means like “question and answer” for me. Unless there is a question, I will never make a reply. I think I’m good at that.
Every visitation feels like a patient waiting for someone, yet the nurse always interrupts. Actually, the saddest part or I should say, the most irritating part is that- He doesn’t talk at all. It seems they had no television in their house and all he would do inside our house will be to watch television. That’s it- for two or more hours- I could really tell. For some other reasons, all he could do is play with my brother and chat with my parents. Then at the back of my mind, I was asking “Who does he really want to pursue?” Well, I’m kidding. Perhaps he thinks I will admire him for his actions. Until I reach the point that I was showing him how hateful he is- with my actions, words and expressions.
There even comes a time when he visited me, and I just stand up and went to my room to sleep. To my surprise, when I woke up- he’s still there and smiling while bidding his goodbye. For that, I got angrier. My actions became more apparent and exaggerated as ever. Whenever he would cross my sight, I went to the opposite way. Whenever he is near, I want to disappear as quickly as a blink of an eye. Whenever he’s existing, I could never settle really well.
Lastly, I want to share a story that triggered my heart from the inside out. It was when we had a family reunion, and he was invited by my grandmother. Of course, being invited, he does not hesitate to come. As usual, it was not a happy “pool party” for me. There, he had a serious talk with my relatives and cousins. And only to find out that they admire, him for who he is and his best intentions over me. The bond became tighter and it just gets harder for me to cease what he started. As he grew closer with my family, I have no reason to stop him at all! At that very moment, everything changes. The time I understand him and had all the convictions to get him involved as a friend- He stopped.
Well, don’t misunderstand. I really do not like him, but I don’t hate him either, for now. It’s just that I happen to interpret everything when it became useless. I realized I became the person opposite to what God wants me to portray. He attended our church for some time, got involved with the Dance Ministry. Yet, it is as long as three years of pursuing me when it is not supposed to be. I realized I should have been nicer and friendlier to draw him close to God. I realized all I did was to hate him and hurt myself, and all he did was to make me happy and hurt him.
For now, I thank God for His wonderful timing. His awesome work in me bears a fruit and that He never gives up. There was an accident that happened to him- the guy that once became my suitor. It was serious and hurting for him and his family- it was that big. Until then, God spoke to me and change my heart drastically. I can’t describe it- it is as if I became the real me, having God inside.
It was Monday, and after class, I went to the market with a friend to buy some fruits. I rode a bus and it took me to the place. I hardly knew it and it was my “first time” to get there alone. Then, I went to the room and waited for him. It was said that he had gone a surgery or operation for more than six hours. And then there he is. As he was entering the room, I felt pity and had compassion on him. Tears came running down my cheeks and I got weak.
I talked to him for a while- checking if he’s alright and know what happened at that day. His mother even gave me a ring and really made me feel like her own daughter. She wants me for his son. But it will not happen, especially he has a girlfriend. As I go home, I had been rebuked by God and moved me to compensate for all the good things He brought to me. But it was not my motive alone. I wanted to develop a friendship between us and draw him closer to God like what I should have done before. It is now or never for me.
Today, I have been a good friend to him especially in times of need. I always text him with inspiring quotes and messages. I’ve been smiling and talking to him like a real friend.
It was an unending learning and changes as I win him back. Not to me, but to God. I learned that in a hard way and in a long time. I should have been like this before- but I also thought- God had put the pieces of the puzzle in the best time. He had thought of us and had used the past.
You can also learn from the past. That is why it is better to learn from it and move forward than to forget everything and suffer. Life has its ups and downs but God will always lift you up and not push you down. God has changed me as much as He changed him. We are good friends now and turns out to be from a ‘courtship to friendship’ buddies.